i know i should not be sentimental about it. this isn't the first time that i will be changing places again. in my life, i probably have lived in a thousand different homes, in different places, meeting new faces, recycling some memories and stories to tell, reinventing some parts of me either to make me seem more interesting, likeable, hatable or relatable, depending on the people that i met.
but this time, it's different. this is the flat where i had the happiest years (two years) of my life, when i was at my lowest, and at some points, at my highest. i don't know why i am saying this, i never measured my life in terms of the ups and downs, the ebbs and peaks. life is just life. made up of seconds, minutes, days, weeks, months, years and in between some people who were constantly there, some we've just met, kept or discarded, loved and hated and forgotten like yesterday's breakfast, liked and disliked, or remembered forever.
i love this flat. it was through a friend's generosity and the bigness of her heart (she is as much a saint as mother theresa) that i ended up staying here longer than i thought. it was supposed to be a temporary shelter until i figured out what to do next after a tumultuous short adventure in the city of dim sums, steel and glass skyscrapers, punctuated by broken hearts and bruised egos. enough said.
there's just something about this flat that made me fall in love with it. it's old and new, the size just enough to accommodate my soul and my ghosts who went with me where ever fate brings me. these ghosts kept me awake most nights, kept me laughing when i was drunk, and crying when the mood hits me. there is just so much sadness in this world that a bagful of happy memories are not enough to wipe it all out. plus, i love being tragic. so there.
the first thing i did when i saw it was to have the walls repainted blue -- the blueness of the ocean during the peak of summer, to complement its white tiles and white ceiling. so that even if i didn't go out to the sea, the walls would remind me how warm this world is, even if it's raining heavily outside. the thoughts of the beach, like the cerulean sky, the cruel sun rays flirting with my skin, the salty breeze, kept me sane during those cold, painfully lonely nights.
it became not just my shelter but that of my nephews and niece (and their parents) after the typhoon left their city devastated, with thousands of people dead, and the air heavy with the pungent scent of rotten flesh, and of the grimness of death that was so sudden it was like a nightmare on elm street.
it was here where i celebrated small triumphs with a glass of cheap red wine, laughing all alone while my favorite movie was playing on dvd -- could be the english patient, love story, or any winona ryder, ethan hawke, daniel day lewis, meryll streep, marion coutiliard, or any other french or italian films that i happen to dig up on the internet. god knows why this city never appreciates good movies that make you savor life's many emotions like the colors of the rainbows. there are tears too, but i rather not dwell on them. life is already full of sorrows.
anyway, in a few weeks i will be off to another journey. i have no idea yet what it will be, where my wandering feet and mind would bring me, but one thing is sure -- it will be another repository of life's, my life's many unpredictable twists and turns, so unlike your favorite telenovelas where the story, plot, and characters are so unbelievable, so cartoonish (without the laughters) you wish you'd die than suffer their stupidity!
but that's just me.
here's hoping that whoever lives here next that he/she will really good care of it, love it, and keep it clean, beautiful and wonderful the way i did.
after all, that's the least we can do to her.
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i will also miss the great place near the ocean that has a postcard perfect view, especially at dusk..when the sun is about to set and the sky is all flaming red, bloody red, or just plain orange, yes the color of your favorite to hate fruit juice because it reminds you when you were sick as a kid and that was all you wanted to drink all day after taking those awful medicines.
